Monday, October 29, 2012

west virginia cowboy: part three

over the weekend, i got to go to a bonfire at tina and jeff's house. kelsey was having people over and when i found out about it, i knew i had to go…not because of an obligation, but because i physically needed to be around people who understand. 

we got to talk and catch up and tell stories about corey together. telling stories about him might not seem like something you would want to do at a party, but of course we did, because, well, he should be there. he is there. his memory is all over the place.

it was good to be around kelsey and hug her and be able to talk to her about the crazy people who have really been driving everyone insane. i know kelsey and our friends who knew corey well understand that being around each other is easier than being around strangers or friends who didn't know him. it's more comfortable, for lack of a better word. 

since corey died, it's been difficult to be around people who just don't get it. kelsey talks about this pretty often in her blog and talked to me about it as we stood in the dark outside her parents' house. it's like this feeling of anxiety that no one around you understands and you just want to scream at them "don't you know that he's gone?!" 

after the bonfire, i realized just how therapeutic it was to be with some of my oldest friends. these people are my first friends and the people who knew corey best, and no matter how far away i live or how long we go without seeing each other, they will always be some of my people.

no matter where kyle and i live, we will always know where home is, and while it might seem that being home would be harder because there are so many corey memories, it actually feels better because i feel closer to him there. i feel closer to everyone i love, not just because that's where they are geographically, but because of the memories and the sense of belonging.

home is where my people are.

home is where i can work on dealing with corey being gone after just 24 years of life.

home is where everything makes a little more sense.


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