Monday, October 29, 2012

west virginia cowboy: part three

over the weekend, i got to go to a bonfire at tina and jeff's house. kelsey was having people over and when i found out about it, i knew i had to go…not because of an obligation, but because i physically needed to be around people who understand. 

we got to talk and catch up and tell stories about corey together. telling stories about him might not seem like something you would want to do at a party, but of course we did, because, well, he should be there. he is there. his memory is all over the place.

it was good to be around kelsey and hug her and be able to talk to her about the crazy people who have really been driving everyone insane. i know kelsey and our friends who knew corey well understand that being around each other is easier than being around strangers or friends who didn't know him. it's more comfortable, for lack of a better word. 

since corey died, it's been difficult to be around people who just don't get it. kelsey talks about this pretty often in her blog and talked to me about it as we stood in the dark outside her parents' house. it's like this feeling of anxiety that no one around you understands and you just want to scream at them "don't you know that he's gone?!" 

after the bonfire, i realized just how therapeutic it was to be with some of my oldest friends. these people are my first friends and the people who knew corey best, and no matter how far away i live or how long we go without seeing each other, they will always be some of my people.

no matter where kyle and i live, we will always know where home is, and while it might seem that being home would be harder because there are so many corey memories, it actually feels better because i feel closer to him there. i feel closer to everyone i love, not just because that's where they are geographically, but because of the memories and the sense of belonging.

home is where my people are.

home is where i can work on dealing with corey being gone after just 24 years of life.

home is where everything makes a little more sense.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

hocus pocus

Yesterday started off with me being so sore from my workout the day before, that it was hard to get out of bed, so i spent most of the day fighting a headache and my insanely sore muscles. I just did random things around the house most of the day, and feeling in a generally weird mood. And then I thought of something that would make me feel better.

Hocus Pocus. Obviously.

I love Halloween. Kyle said to me a week or so ago, "I have been with you for a long time and I still don't get your fascination with Halloween." Whatever, Kyle.

I always think of Hocus Pocus during this time of year, because it was one of those movies that I would watch over and over and it was always funny, and as I watched it last night, as a 24 year old, there were things that made me laugh even harder now because I actually understand them.

(as the townspeople are trying to break down their door)
Winifred (Bette Midler): Don't get your knickers in a twist! We're just three kindly old spinster ladies.
Mary (Kathy Najimy): Spending a quiet evening at home.

It's really all very creepy. I mean, they're sucking the life out of children! But I would still sing their weird children-luring song all through October.

"Come little children / I'll take thee away / Into a land of enchantment. / Come little children / the time's come to play / Here in my garden of magic." 

How effing creepy is that?! 

Throughout the entire movie, everyone consistently reminds poor Max that he's a virgin and that he lit that damn black flame candle and brought back those crazy Sanderson Sisters, when all he wanted to do was impress that hottie Allison and possibly touch her "yabbos." I'm willing to bet the being a virgin part made it all way worse. And Max's little sister, Dani, is 8 years old and usually the one reminding him and everyone else that he's a virgin. Does she even know what that means?!

Winifred: You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I think I'll have one…ON TOAST!

At one point, the witches are chasing the kids as they drive a car (how old are they?!) and Winifred flies up next to the car on a broom. She says, "Pull over! Let me see your driver's permit!" 

I find this really funny because she is supposed to be from 1693.  The sisters didn't know what a blacktop road was, didn't understand the concept of trick-or-treating and were afraid of the city bus that pulled up beside them, but somehow Winifred knows that Max needs a driver's permit. huh?

Growing up, I think we probably wore out our VHS tape we had of it, just like we did with Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and it started to play all warped and weird after so many times in the VCR. Watching it last night made me think of my siblings and being piled up on the couch with them in our pajamas and thinking about our costumes and who will get the most candy.

Obviously I don't really dress up anymore. Kyle doesn't like it really and we never actually have a party to go to, so we just eat candy and take pictures of Brady and my cousins in their costumes and carve pumpkins. But I always enjoy this time of year. It's the one day of the year (unless you're an actor or a con-artist) you get to be someone else...a PowerRanger, a Hunger Games tribute, Harry can be anything. That childhood love of dressing up will probably always be with me, and I'll probably always want to watch Hocus Pocus.

Get with the program, Kyle. Halloween is freaking great.


Monday, October 22, 2012


i'm at point right now where there are a bunch of different things i want to do, and i just need to choose what to do first.

i want to change my blog and/or transfer it over to my wordpress site.

i want to get serious about some wedding things.

i want to carve a pumpkin.

i want to make hot mulled apple cider.

i want to write a short story book. 

i want to figure out how to make/do cool things and that be my job.

womp womp.

i am thinking of transforming my blog/website into something more organized and detailed, with different sections and topics, such as recipes, beauty, etc. i'm just at  a sort of crossroad with where i want to go from here. 

what do you like to read about? what interests you? i'd love to hear your thoughts!


Friday, October 12, 2012

ghost decoration diy

i thought a little diy tutorial might be fun for a friday. i made these little ghosts to hang on our front door for halloween, and i just used things i had around the house and was able to recycle some things! super easy!

some old plastic bags (like from target or kroger)
white fabric (i used an old top that i no longer wear)
white or gray tulle
twine or some sort of string
pieces of red and brown fabric (i used scraps of felt)
hot glue gun
black marker

step one
roll up several of the bags to make a ball, then put the ball inside one of the bags and twist it around to make the ghost shape.

step two
place the fabric over top of the ball, then the tulle, and twist that around to make the ghost.

step three
wrap some of the twine or string around the ball and tie tightly. snip off any of the hanging strands of the string with scissors.

step four
take the pins and draw on the tips with the black marker. add the pins to the head of the ghost to make the eyes.

step five
draw the shape for the mouth of the ghost on the felt/fabric. i made red lips and a mustache, but you could make whatever type of mouth you want. a simple black circle would make a spookier ghost! cut out the shape and hot glue them to the ghost's face.

step six
cut off a short piece of wire and weave it through the tulle on the top of the ghost's head. twist it to make it into a small loop, then snip off any excess pieces of the wire.

step seven
thread some of the twine through the loop and tie the ends in a knot. 

step eight
hang up the ghost on your front door or wherever you want.


i hope you enjoyed this little halloween diy. kyle doesn't understand my obsession with halloween, but i don't care. i love it! we're supposed to go on a hike this weekend (aka a walk with a trail and some trees. i don't really like hikes), so that should be fun.

let me know if you make any ghosts or other halloween decorations!


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

west virginia cowboy: part two

i've never lost someone so unexpectedly. not that you're ever totally prepared for someone to die, but with corey, there was absolutely no preparation. when your grandparents die, there is normally some thought process or realization that they are getting older, they are getting sicker, and they won't be around forever. when it's someone young, it is pretty much always going to feel like it came out of nowhere. like he was stolen.

i feel guilty even writing about my feelings when i know his sister and parents are more devastated than i've ever thought of being, but i haven't stopped thinking about corey since september 21st and i can't get his brown eyes out of my head. 

hearing of corey's death was like someone kicked me in the stomach and when i heard my mom say "corey queen," my eyesight went all weird and white like in a movie when they show you what someone feels like as they are passing out. that's what i felt like. i cried before i hit the ground and kyle hugged me as i wailed. and again, if i felt like that, what did his mother feel like when she heard? i'm not sure i even want to know.

not everyone understands the relationship corey and i had, and i'm not sure i even care to explain it. but it was special. when you meet someone at the age of 11 and stay friends for each year of life after that, it's bound to be special

i went to west virginia this past weekend and kyle stayed in tennessee. when i got back on sunday evening, the house was clean and one of the first things kyle said to me was, "i found some pictures of corey." 

one of them was one i'd been looking for but hadn't told him about. it's from our junior year of high school at the spirit week pep rally at the football field. he's standing on the front row of the bleachers and he's smiling. and for whatever reason, he's not wearing red or black like every single person around him, but orange.

when kyle said that he had found these photos, i felt simultaneously sad and blessed. sad that i was going to look at photos of corey, knowing he was no longer here on this earth with me, and blessed that i am with a person who somehow knew i'd been looking for these photos and knew i wanted to see them.

last week while i was home by myself one day, i listened to the voicemails i had on my phone from corey. the last one he left was telling me congratulations on my engagement and that he loved me. i love you, too.

kelsey's beautiful and heartbreaking blog about her brother has truly helped me, and i think it's helping her, too. if you haven't read it, read it immediately. it's honest and open and a wonderful way to share with the world the life that her brother lived while he was here, and if you've ever lost someone you love, you can relate to pretty much everything she says. 

i love you, queen family.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

bag lady

in my dreamlife, i have a job like Lauren Conrad's and the wardrobe of Kate Middleton. so since LC posted what's in her handbag, I thought I'd do the same, and i guess i'll just keep dreaming of how to get the Duchess of Cambridge's dress collection. I also think it is weirdly interesting to see what is in others' bags or pockets. you can tell so much about them just by what they carry around. so have a look.

1. toothpicks & mints.
when restaurants have those individually wrapped toothpicks or mints in a basket near the door, i usually take several. probably not supposed to do that, but you never know how when you'll need one!

2. cash.
i actually rarely have cash, but it really is best to have some on hand. 

3. ticket stubs & perfume samples.
i love keeping all movie ticket stubs from films that kyle and i go see together. after 7 years together, i know i have hundreds by now, plus movies that i've seen with other people. so you can usually find one or two of those in my bag. also, i don't get to buy as many different fragrances as i'd like, but i like to get the little cards and spray a sample on them. if i decide i'm in love with a scent, i can plan to make the big purchase. most recently i picked up a sample of the new lady gaga perfume and i love it. 

4. field notes notebook from kyle.
you can't see it here, but this little notebook is personalized and says "lemon drop" on the front. i carry it with me everywhere, just in case i need to jot down a list, story or blog post idea or just something i want to remember. even if i go two weeks without writing in it, i always have it with me and feel naked without something to write on.

5. change purse with cards.
i am so bad about losing my debit card or ID in the bottom of my bag somewhere. then i'm standing at the checkout at target digging around for it. i've finally figured that if i just keep it in my change purse, i'll know where to find it. most important card in this little pouch? my starbucks gold card. for sure.

6. compact mirror.
i got this one at old navy about a hundred years ago and it has been the best little mirror ever. it's thin, has two sides — one magnified, one regular — and i love the gold design, even though it's sort of started to fade off over the years.

7. lipgloss & lipsticks.
i'm also really bad to carry around 12 different lip items. i actually should have had a chapstick in there, too, and now i'm wondering where it is. currently, i have two mac lipsticks — one red, one neutral — and two lipglosses. one is by mac and is one of my favorites ever called "narcissus," and the other is a new one from one of my best friends, brooke, that came with my birthday gifts she got me. now, i'll be looking for my chopstick.

8. roll-on perfume. 
i bought this little tube in a shop downtown in knoxville. the fragrance is called "dew blossom" and is by a brand called love&toast. it's a clean smell and it's just what i need when i need to freshen up.

9. hair things.
i always have some random bobby-pins and hair ties in my bag, just in case the one that is permanently on my wrist disappears. also, i keep this beaded headband with me that i bought in a weird little gift shop in Cherokee, NC. 

10. the bag.
this little suede bag is from JCrew and was a gift from kyle's aunt for christmas. she has expensive taste, which usually means we get some snazzy gifts. this bag isn't too small, and goes with pretty much everything.

hope you enjoyed creeping into my bag. anything interesting in yours?